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Thirteen Ghosts(2001)- Review by T-Dawg Rating out of 5 possible lobsters :
"This time the number 13 is still unlucky! e" When the lead actor for a movie is the taxi cab driver (Tony Shalhoub) from the T.V. show “Wings” you know you better buckle up because it is going to be a bumpy ride. Throw in the fine in extremely small doses Matthew Lillard, a fully clothed Shannon Elizabeth (if there is one movie she should be nude in it’s a bad horror movie) and 13 Ghosts you have a movie that is a bizarre cross between Event Horizon, House on Haunted Hill, and Cube. There is nothing I enjoy more when the prop masters in movies find new ways of putting infomercial eye wear in the film cue the Blue Blocker sun glasses that let you see ghosts (Call now and you too can see dead people like Hollywood film star Haley Joel Osment for only 4 payments of $19.95). As for the 13 Ghosts it’s a motley crew of disgruntled spirits that range from the nude hottie that decided to go under the knife without the plastic surgeon, a guy who got nailed so to speak, the female reincarnation of Hannibal Lector/Wolverine, a cameo by Joe DiMaggio, the aptly named Juggernaut (hint: he’s real tough) and so on. As for the plot it centers on a family who inherits a glass house that is really a machine powered by the undead
to open a gate to hell (or something like that). The movie actually looks pretty cool and I liked the concept of the
spells being written on the glass which prevented the ghosts from escaping their cells. Talk about solitary
confinement. The one thing I love in bad horror movies is the timely arrival of the one person who saves the key
characters and has a full explanation of what the hell is going on plus having motives of their own. That person
has the dubious distinction of being what Green Peace is to saving Whales except she does it for the Ghosts.
Back to the movie the Ghosts are pretty good and the movie sports some pretty cool death sequences and gore to boot. The best death in film goes to a lawyer who gets to feel some window pain (awful PUN I know). This
movie exceeded my expectations and was a guilty pleasure. If you want to loose a few brain cells for the price of
renting a movie this is well worth picking up. I’ll give it 3 ½ lobsters out of 5. It was much better than on House on Haunted Hill!
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"What will the porno version be? 13 Whores or 69 Ghosts? I see horny people!"