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Queen of the Damned(2002)- Reviewed by T-Dawg Rating out of 5 possible lobsters :
"Its all about Sex, Blood, and Rock & Roll" There is a reason there is no sign of Tom Cruise and Brat Pitt in this would be latest adaptation from Anne Rice about the vampire Lestat. Queen of the Damned doesn’t hold a clove of garlic up against Interview with a Vampire. The movie opens with a voice over by Lestat who is awoken by what sounds like the latest Korn B-side tracks and from that moment on he knows that following in Jonathan Davis’ footsteps is his calling. He becomes the lead singer of a garage band and changes the name of the band to get this Lestat (ingenious). The band becomes an overnight success due to Lestat being openly a vampire. I kept hoping the lead singer from Type-O Negative would come in and break his neck but it never happened. We get to see Lestat not only lip synch to the music that Jonathan Davis wrote and performed for the film but also get to see the vampire play a violin. Stuart Townsend’s vampire dialect is so odd he actually sounds like the first blood sucker ever captured on film with a learning disorder. Also a Note to the makeup department Yes vampires are suppose to be pale by complexion but when it looks like a bag of flour exploded in your face you may want to dust yourself off and try again (Thanks Aaliyah). We are also given some flashbacks to the vampire who created Lestat and a scene that completely carbon copies the original where Marius lets Lestat feed from his slit wrist and of course he almost sucks the life out of him and the line delivered – “I want more.” I believe the same thing happened in Interview but was perfectly performed by a young Kirsten Dunst. Lestat’s god awful violin playing will truly awaken the undead as is the case with Aaliyah’s character - Queen Akasha who looks like a castaway from the Scorpion King. To complete the love triangle there is a young vixen who has a mysterious background that is also attracted to Lestat. The dialogue in the movie is brutal there is a moment between Lestat and Marius where they have a slow witted conversation about the 50’s, 60,s and even Elvis. There are also some cheesy one liners thrown out that would make even Hallmark blush – “Vampires don’t settle old scores we harbor them.” Can you feel the tension. The final act of the film takes place in Death Valley, California where the Family Values Tour makes it final stop. When Aaliyah finally arrives she answers a burning question can she act? And the answer is NO! Aaliyah then crashes the concert which is the perfect front to take Lestat away with her because all the fans think it is part of the show. Akasha takes him away and wants him as her king to rule the world. We are then treated to a love a scene between the two and believe me nothing says eroticism like two vampires in a tub to Change in the House of Flies by the Def Tones. Long story short we come to the final showdown between The Queen of the Damned and her king VS the
B-movie equivalent of the Blood pack from Blade 2. They have a feeding frenzy on a Akasha and she goes up in a smoke and ashes much like her acting career and the movie ends but not without once again borrowing from
Interview. This movie gets 1 lobster it but does let you feel the eternal torment of being a vampire as you sit what feels like an eternity waiting for it to end.
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"One of out 5 Lobsters... Ain’t nuthin but a number bitches!"