Horror Vision(2001)

Rating out of 5 possible lobsters :
 

Alrighty, another horror flick from Fullmoon Pictures!!! I was browsing my local video store one day and in the corner of my eye I spotted the dumbest looking movie box I have possibly ever seen! I rubbed my eyes for a moment to make sure my vision was clear. My vision was clear... my vision was was HORROR VISION!!!

 Get a load of this... The movie Horror Vision centers around a web site called horrorvision.com(which doesn't seem to exist right now although Fullmoon advertises it on the back on the box)  that traps, kills or drives people violently insane. Sounds awesome eh? A porno web master named Dez  realizes that his female friend Toni is missing and takes it upon himself to go find her. Turns out  she visited the horrorvision.com website and was sucked into the site through her modem lines and a few other wires that popped out of her wall. Dez takes a look at the horrorvision site at home  and his girlfriend Dazzy, who is sitting behind him, ends up getting sucked into the site as well. Dez, all heart broken now that his girlfriend has been sucked into the internet, decides to  take a drive in his car. All of a sudden this horrible music starts playing and the movie turns into a really cheesy music video! All it shows is Dez driving around and him thinking of Dazzy. I have never seen such a cheesy moment in my life. What's up with all Dez's memories of her only being from  the movie? Did they just start dating when the movie started?!?! Anyway, Dez ends up meeting  with a mysterious stranger who tells him that they are the chosen ones to take on HorrorVision.com!  Deep stuff! For some reason only 6 or 7 of them are immune to HorrorVision's effects.  They travel to where HorrorVision is hosted and they are confronted by some sort of mutant  who looks exactly like the Doctor Mutant from Hellraiser 2. After they kick his ass they take off in a car and decide to drive around for 10 minutes to waste some time and extend the  length of the movie. The music kicks in once again and we are treated with a MANY shots of Dez and the Mysterious guy driving on a desert road. Count how many times they show the sun glasses shot from the rear view mirror during this scene. You will loose count, trust me! So eventually the car runs out of gas and they stop! Thank God! Dez and the Mysterious man  talk about how they need to become organic once again and drop all technology. Whoops,  Dezs left his internet watch on and all of a sudden a robot forms out of it and attacks them.  Brace yourself here, the robot is sooooo awful looking. Try not to bust a gut. Dez ends up  destroying the watch and the robot vanishes but it's too late! It had already killed his Mysterious friend. Before he did die however, he gave Dez a list of all known people who are immune to Horror Vision.com. The movie ends with Dez walking into the sunset with the list in hand.

The movie ends?! What a minute! I looked at the clock at this point and I swear it was only around 67 minutes long.  That including the 2 extended music video scenes!!! What a fucking rip off! The box said it was 85 minutes long. Fuck you Fullmoon Pictures!

The worst thing about Horror Vision is that it tries to be all serious and have a  complex story but it doesn't have the budget nor the writing. It starts to fall apart because of not making much sense and the robots and mutants are just too damn cheesy looking! Also it rips off way too many movies. Matrix, Hellraiser, Phantasm... and a few more I'm sure. The Matrix and Hellraiser rip offs you will notice with no problem at all. The 67 minute runtime  and abrupt ending don't help either! Maybe they are setting up for a sequel? Or maybe they  just ran out of money and needed the movie stopped. Who knows.

Henry's Comments

 "Jesus! The killer robot at the end looked like the one from Short Circuit!"