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Bones(2001) - Reviewed by T-Dawg

Rating out of 5 possible lobsters :
 

"This Halloween, unleash the Dogg!"

This B-horror movie promotes itself as a Snoop Dogg film which is a half truth. Yes he is the title character Jimmy Bones, a high roller in the hood from back in the day and just to let you know he is an authentic OG (Original Gangster for all you white Boys out there) from the 70’s they cast Pam Grier as his woman. As for the film it opens like a typical episode of Tales From the Crypt with a dog with glowing red eyes (That is so Howling part 1 through 5) chasing some jackass. Of course this guy knows Jimmy Bones is still representing in the hood, well at least his spirit is. We are given the back story of Jimmy Bones through cheesy flash backs and passed down folklore by the characters. The movie centers around a group of teens who buy Jimmy’s old crib and turn into a club. Of course one of the Home boys hook up with Jimmy’s daughter but she doesn’t know Jimmy is her Pops. Oh and too boot there is the token white girl in da mix also. Pam Grier is miss used in the film as psychic who has visions and worse theories about the world of the undead that would make Miss Cleo role her eyes. Opening night at the club opens with a full house but things go to the dogs when the rabid dog from the first crashes the party by projectile vomiting maggots all over the customers. There are some cool effects in the movie the best scene centers around one of the hommies laying in bed listening to his tunes when the wall of his room turns into a mass of silver undead people trying to reach out and touch someone (looked like something Clive Barker would been proud of). The movies climax takes place in Bone’s world which looks like the inside of some ones intestines (a series of Styrofoam caves, fire and bad lighting). I won’t give the ending away but it ends with the classic cliche horror movie ending Bones legacy is passed on too... I thought they spliced in footage from the end of Michael Jackson’s Thriller with the glowing eyes for the ending. If you rent this have a Doggie bag handy because this is a groaner (especially the bonus concert footage at the end). Snoop and Pam Grier deserve better than this hope they popped a cap in there agents ass.

Henry's Comments

 "Gin n Juice Mutha Fuckers!"